When a man and woman unite in marriage, their personal union draws its power from the cosmic marriage that underlies the whole of existence — the bonding of the divine masculine and feminine energies emerging from the Creator’s Infinite Light to generate existence, a world, and life.
The Kabbalists tell us that when the union of a man and a woman in body and in spirit under the conditions it deserves, with the right preparations and mindful focus is made, its waves ripple outward through substance of reality. No facet of the cosmos is left untouched, unaltered. Every voice of the Creation resonates in unison as an orchestra plays back the soloist’s melody. And so the lives of that man and woman, their children and their children’s children are filled with the music of the heavens down on earth.
The wedding day is considered a personal Yom Kippur (purification day) when all past mistakes are forgiven as the two souls merge into a new, complete soul.
Kabbalat Panim
It is customary for the bride and groom not to see each other for one week preceding the wedding. This increases the anticipation and excitement of the event. Therefore, prior to the wedding ceremony, the bride and groom greet guests separately. This is called “Kabbalat Panim.” Jewish tradition likens the couple to a queen and king. The bride will be seated on a “throne” to receive her guests and offer them blessings. These blessings are said to reach a special place in the Heavens.
The Tish
A traditional Jewish wedding begins with a groom’s tish, Yiddish for table. The groom will be blessed by his guests.
Bedeken
The Bedeken is the veiling of the bride by the groom. The veil conveys the lesson that however attractive physical appearances may be, the soul and character are paramount. It is reminiscent of Rebecca covering her face before marrying Isaac.
The original meaning of the Bedeken represents the Biblical story of Jacob and Rachel, when after their wedding; Jacob found that he had actually married Leah, Rachel’s sister. So now, to make sure the groom has the right bride, he lowers the bride’s veil himself.
Chuppah
Adam and Eve were escorted by angels to their wedding. The escorts carry candles, since Jewish custom associates light with joy: “The Jews had light, gladness, joy and honor” (Esther 8:16).
The wedding ceremony takes place under the chuppah (canopy), a symbol of the home that the new couple will build together. It is open on all sides, just as Abraham and Sarah had their tent open all sides to welcome people in unconditional hospitality.
Seven Circles
When the couple first enters the chuppah, the bride circles the groom seven times, representing the seven wedding blessings and seven days of creation. The number seven symbolizes the wholeness and completeness that they cannot attain separately. This symbolizes the idea of the woman being a protective, surrounding light of the household that illuminates it with understanding and love from within and protects it from harm from the outside. The number seven parallels the seven days of creation, and symbolizes the fact that the bride and groom are about to create their own “new world” together. One Kabbalistic explanation for the number seven is that it symbolizes the removal of seven shells of solitude encrusting the groom’s soul, so that it can be encompassed by the luminescence of his bride.
Blessings of Betrothal (Kiddushin)
In traditional Jewish literature marriage is called kiddushin, which translates as “sanctification” or “dedication.” “Sanctification,” indicates that what is happening is a spiritual bonding and the fulfillment of a a Divine precept. “Dedication,” indicates that the couple now have an exclusive relationship, that involves total dedication of the bride and groom to each other, to the extent of them becoming “one soul in two bodies.”
Giving of the Ring
In Jewish law, a marriage becomes official when the groom gives an object of value to the bride. This is traditionally done with a ring. The ring should be made of plain gold, without blemishes or ornamentation to reflect the unbroken circle that represents a pure and eternal union. The groom places the ring on the forefinger of the bride’s right hand — the finger believed to be directly connected to the heart.
Ketubah (Marriage Contract)
The ketubah (marriage contract) outlines the groom’s various responsibilities to his wife. The document is signed by two witnesses, and has the standing of a legally binding agreement.
The Seven Blessings
The seven blessings express the hope that the new couple will rejoice together forever as though they are the original couple, Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. The themes of the blessings are as follows:
- Patience, Transformation
- Creation, Wonder
- Humanity
- Growth, Evolution
- Redemption, Healing
- Partnership
- Joy, Laughter & Peace
The blessings also include a prayer that Jerusalem will be fully rebuilt and restored with the Temple in its midst and the Jewish people within her gates.
Breaking the Glass
A glass is now placed on the floor, and the groom shatters it with his foot. The breaking of the glass is traditionally understood as a symbol of the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem, which is the Jewish historical event that represents the state of brokenness in the world as a whole. The breaking of the glass is also a representation of the fragility of human relationships; a reminder that marriage changes the lives of individuals forever, and that even in the midst of the happy occasion we should not forget how fragile life truly is.
A Jew, even at the moment of greatest rejoicing, is mindful of the Psalmist’s injunction to “set Jerusalem above my highest joy.” “If I forget thee O’ Jerusalem, let my right hand forget its cunning: If I do not raise thee over my own joy, let my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth.”
It’s also the official signal to shout, “Mazel Tov!”
Yichud
The couple is then escorted to a private “yichud (union) room” and left alone to connect as husband and wife.
The Festive Meal
It is a great honor for guests to bring joy to the bride and groom on their wedding day. There is much music and dancing as the guests celebrate with the new couple
Other Resources:
Made in Heaven by Aryeh Kaplan
The New Jewish Wedding by Anita Diamant